I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
