a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
