My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
