absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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