Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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