apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize