am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
