If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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