I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
