maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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