If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
