i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
