Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
