before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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