I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they're like a gay fantastic four
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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