lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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