Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
