hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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