there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
