I feel great
I just peed on a car
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
