He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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