Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
