:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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