Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
