My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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