I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
