I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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