from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
