JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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