I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This house was built for laser tag.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
