My hand turned me down
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
