I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize