she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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