So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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