was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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