Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
