Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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