I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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