My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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