Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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