May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
