I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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