There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
