The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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