I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
