only you would photoshop your dick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
