Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
