it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
