My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't make out with my wife yet
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
