Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
