I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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