i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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