Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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