Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
