If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
