Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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