So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
