Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
