Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
