I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
