Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
