her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My vagina is officially offended.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
