Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wear drunk well.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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