***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
