hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
