ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
