I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
