i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
