I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
