dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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