So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
