I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
True strength comes from lack of pants
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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