I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
