Non-Jews are for practice
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
