bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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