the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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