Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize