god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
