Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
