oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
...so i touched it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This baby is an asshole
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
