I'm going to jail i love you
Fuck appropriateness.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
