Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
