Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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