i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize