I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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