Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
