a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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