I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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