My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize