Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
