Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
