she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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