Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
