Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
