you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
