How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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