The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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