In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
