It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
