Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
