Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
