i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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