He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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