I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
...so i touched it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
