btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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