oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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