I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
