Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
