I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
