I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
