Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
