I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
