ya dads aren't the best wingmen
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
