I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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