im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
