I just cut my nipple shaving
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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