The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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