i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
