I need help removing her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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